A few weeks ago I was at my wits end with Case. I'm talking, I was already drafting my Craigslist add:
2 1/2 year old blonde hair blue eyed boy seeks forever home with great patience and understanding. He is up to date on all shots but not yet housebroken. Pictures upon request, rehoming fee applies.
I cried, I screamed, I prayed that the sky would rain Xanax...alas nothing but clear skies. It was then I came to the realization that Case was every bit of two and maybe my greatest chance for success, and by success, I mean sanity, was to change myself. The very next morning when I woke up at 4:30, and by that I mean when Case walked in my room, turned on the light and said "mommy, lets please be awake" (he has phenomenal manners before dawn). I picked up my phone and set my alarm to go off every 15 minutes for the entire day. I told myself that no matter what was happening I would stop what I was doing and tell Case "I love you Case, I love you because..." My intent here was 100% selfish because it wasn't to make him feel love but to remind me of my love for him.
So I did it, in the middle of laundry, in the middle of tantrums, in the middle of Walmart. Let me tell you it is easy to say I love you, but to tell someone the “because” of your love is difficult. I am not saying it is hard to think of the reasons but it is awkward to say them out loud. The first 15 minute alarm I stopped Case and I said "Case, I love you because you are such a good big brother," it was painfully awkward to say it out loud. The next alarm I stopped him and said "Case, I love you because you are so funny, and you make mommy and daddy laugh." I did this for 16 hours; I only missed 2 times and that was during a short nap in which I whispered to myself, "Case I love you because you are asleep."
At the end of the day two amazing things came out of this project. The first was that every time that alarm went off Case would look at me and wait for his "I love you because," although my motives were selfish I made an amazingly positive day for Case. The second was that at the end of the day I was happy. I wasn't stressed out at him. I deleted my drafted Craigslist post, and I was more in love with being his mom than ever. I want to say that this drastically improved his behavior, but it I didn't, it drastically improved mine.
I challenge you to go ahead and give this a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Let me know how it turns out!
2 comments:
Alyson suggested that I should read your brand new blog and I am SO GLAD I DID. I can't complain because my 2 year old sleeps until at least 7:30 every morning, but she definitely has a temper that can be trying at times. Thank you so much for the mommy motivation! Such an amazing reminder that our kiddos need our non-conditional love more than anything. Can't wait to read more from you!
Actually, just a week or so ago, I wrote about how I've made a practice of saying, "I love you, and I'm proud of you." when my husband as one of his least lovable moments (like backing into my grandparents' car), both to remind myself and to give myself a moment to cool down and not say something in anger. Your strategy kind of reminded me of mine--guess it can work with adults, too!
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