Blueberry Seeds and a Thing Called Love

Curtis recently asked me if I ever do any "bloggin' or facespacin'" about him. Yes, he calls Facebook,  Facespace and is about a decade behind the rest of the world in social networking; he also does not read this blog. I feel very confident that  if my blog ever becomes a TV show I will easily have a second priority recording on the DVR after Duck Dynasty, Doomsday Preppers, or Finding Bigfoot.

It is only fair, as I lovingly joke about my husband, that I take a minute to say that my husband is an amazing man. He is great to me and the kids, handles all the finances,  keeps up the lawn and the house, does most of the cooking and cleaning (to include 100% of the dishes), and keeps me laughing through all of that. However, you should know that my husband is not "that" guy. Curtis is not the guy who is going to remember Valentine's Day or Mother's Day and admittedly even anniversaries and birthdays are a stretch for him. He isn't the guy to buy flowers, write love notes, or do anything that would border on romantic. You should also know however, that he hasn't changed, because when we were dating he still wasn't "that" guy. In fact he used to send me the largest and most practical packages when we were dating and I was deployed. Short of his name on the return address label there was nothing to indicate it was from him; no "love you" or "thinking of you" not even a "miss you." He is very much today the same man that I met and fell in love with; that includes all of the good and all of the less good. 

Yes, this is the man I fell in love with and married 

All too often we expect a magical change in our significant other once they become our husband or wife and our disappointed when changing their title doesn't change who they are. It's like this, most days of the week I drink a blueberry protein smoothie. It is delicious, but every time I drink it my teeth are completely covered in blueberry seeds. It is a huge hassle to floss them out, but I do it because it is a delicious smoothie and it makes me happy. So let's just say one day I wake up and say I am not going to call this a blueberry protein smoothie anymore I love this drink so much I am going to call it my "super blue power pump-me-up party punch." I drink my "party punch" and when my teeth get covered in blueberry seeds I am disappointed by it. I think this causes a lot of issues in marriages; we expect that by getting married we will no longer end up with blueberry seeds in our teeth. 

The truth is when you love someone and agree to marry them, you agree to accept their flaws and you have only two choices. You can try to change them (this won't work by the way) or you can try to change yourself. 

I take you back to Curtis. Not only is Mother's Day coming, but I leave on a business trip that Sunday morning, and Curtis comes back from the field the day before. I know in my heart of hearts that he will not have time to plan something (nor will he have thought about about it) and I will have my feelings hurt. So I go back to the two choices. I can wait for him to come up with something (again this is a terrible choice because I already told you it won't happen) or I can tell him what I need. I can make the choice to communicate with the man I love or I can be broken hearted and then get mad and hold who he is, who I accepted when I married him, against him. I did the only thing I could; I sat him down and I said "look honey, we need to talk about Mother's Day." His response was to be expected "oh crap, did I miss it?" I explained to him that he didn't miss it, but that if he wasn't careful he would. I also told him how hard it would be for me to leave the kids on Mother's Day for work (talk about your ultimate Mom guilt) and that I needed him to work really hard to make it special for me. I told him to go ahead and start Googling "best Mother's Day ideas."

I guarantee while it may be awkward at first, your spouse or significant other will love you for talking to them and accepting who they are and trying to work with them. Some of you might argue that come Mother's Day when I have something special waiting for me it is less special because I had to tell him. I would argue back, what is more special than being able to openly talk with your husband, have him listen, and respond to what you truly need? 

If you are holding the person you love against them, stop it. Go out and buy the best floss you can find and accept the blueberry seeds as a part of your happiness.